"Eric also told us why he did it, but I would argue he seems to give two different reasons in two different places. In the Web writings, Eric’s violence is often propelled by a sense of superiority over the dumb, the ignorant, and those who cannot play Doom. The Web writings, it could be expected, were also more targeted for public consumption.
But the diary entries tell another story. And because they were not necessarily meant to be public, they may be seen as more truthful. In two of the most telling views into Eric’s mind, he is Dylan Klebold: A sad, lonely, depressive. If Eric truly felt superior, it came from a sense of inferiority:
In late 1998 Eric writes:
Everyone is always making fun of me because of how I look, how fucking weak I am and shit, well I will get you all back: ultimate fucking revenge here. you people could have shown more respect, treated me better, asked for my knowledge or guidence more, treated me more like senior, and maybe I wouldn’t have been as ready to tear your fucking heads off. then again, I have always hated how I looked, I make fun of people who look like me, sometimes without even thinking sometimes just because I want to rip on myself. Thats where a lot of my hate grows from, the fact that I have practically no selfesteem, especially concerning girls and looks and such. therefore people make fun of me… constantly… therefore I get no respect and therefore I get fucking PISSED. as of this date I have enough explosives to kill about 100 people, and then if I get a couple bayonetts, swords, axes, whatever I’ll be able to kill at least 10 more. and that just isnt enough! GUNS! I need guns! Give me some fucking firearms!
And this diary entry apparently comes in April 1999 (the first Friday of the last month, Eric indicates):
why the fuck cant I get any? I mean, I’m nice and considerate and all that shit, but nooooo. I think I try to hard. but I kinda need to considering NBK is closing in. The amount of dramatic irony and foreshadowing is fucking amazing. Everything I see and I hear I incorporate into NBK somehow. Either bombs, clocks, guns, napalm, killing people, any and everything finds some tie to it. feels like a Goddamn movie sometimes. I wanna try to put some mines and trip bombs around this town too maybe. Get a few extra flags on the scoreboard. I hate you people for leaving me out of so many fun things. And no don’t fucking say, “well thats your fault” because it isnt, you people had my phone #, and I asked and all, but no. no no no dont let the weird looking Eric KID come along, ohh fucking nooo.”
- Columbine: A True Crime Story by Jeff Kass.